Wow, so I figured out a little bit of myself today.

I hate drawing. But I can’t stop doing it. Why? Because I love it. I know; stupid, right? I hate, hate drawing. Because I suck at it. Really really suck at it. I don’t have a set style; everything I draw looks different from when I drew it the day before. It’s stiff, un-proportionate, and choppy. The only thing I’m good at is dragons, and they suck too. But that’s because I don’t put on details like gums or scales. Anyway. So, I hate it.

And the reason it frustrates me is because it’s something to do with my hands. Look at it this way. When I’m doing something with my hands, I excel. Study French for two years in high-school? D’s and C’s. Two semesters of Sign Language in college? Only one question half-wrong. Acting? I can act, but I can’t memorize the lines. Acting requires that I pick things up, move them, interact with them. Acting also requires me to speak and remember lines.

I do back-stage stuff. Building sets, setting lights, repairing wire… I excel. I do in anything that has to do with doing things! My hands and movement. This does not mean I’m brainless and stupid. I have a great memory when I’m not forced to memorize it. lines, out the window. Random facts about government, history, animals, and the English language? Perfect.

But that’s why drawing sucks. It’s something to do with my hands, and it’s not done in a way that I like. I can color (scanners make my coloring suck) but I can’t draw. Backgrounds? Nope. Eyes that look NORMAL! Nope. Hands? You wish. Feet? Only if you want me to self-destruct. Why? I don’t know. I’m ridged, nothing flows. I’m hoping to take a class next semester, or have someone fricking teach me tricks. Because I fucking suck at drawing.